Have you tried cucumber juice?

For those of you who have experienced cancer, did you ever receive any unsolicited advice? It is a common occurrence it seems.

I have a client who has recently been told that her cancer is no longer treatable, and she is being moved on to palliative care. This is very difficult and sad news for her, her family. It is also something that brings up some deep emotions for me too.

Knowing now that time is limited, my client has been somewhat inundated with friends from far and near wanting to visit and spend time with her, to say their goodbyes or make the most of the time that is left. This of course is all understandable and something I would want to do if it were my friend. There is a long history and deep love there. However, my client has been sharing with me how difficult it is for her sometimes to have these visits.

Sometime people have been coming from abroad and so are staying in her house. Although they are coming ostensibly to take care of her, they are also unconsciously trying to have their own needs met. They have wanted to chat for hours, to take her out to do something lovely. But she is exhausted and in pain and scared and needing to get her life in order. Managing the expectations of a guest is draining.

Even worse is when people come with well meaning advice, telling her she needs to be drinking cucumber juice or taking Japanese mushroom extracts. I do not pooh pooh these things per se, I’m sure there is value in them in certain situations. However, at this stage for my client, I personally do not feel either of these things are going to be a miracle cure, and for her receiving that ‘advice’ was challenging. First, she hadn’t asked for it, second, there’s an implication she’s not been trying hard enough to survive and third, there is a frustration that they really don’t understand her situation very well at all, and that can leave someone feeling rather lonely.

I don’t hold any judgement to these friends, they don’t know what they don’t know. Looking back I know I have made similar mistakes the first time I encountered cancer. It’s really hard to accept that someone is that ill and we may look for ways to fix it and make it not true. However this does not help the person who is ill.

That can be the challenge in our role as yoga teachers. We need to be really aware of our boundaries and realm of expertise, take care of our own needs outside of class, and be really attuned to the needs of our students. Being a person who ‘gets it’ is hugely valuable to someone facing cancer. Being understood is deeply validating to someone going through a difficult experience and is a way of building trust in us as teachers. This is part of how we create a safe container for their yoga practise which in turn allows them to relax and receive the benefits of the class.

Often, it’s the manner of our presence that is the most important thing to people with cancer. Our class content won’t be as effective if they do not feel secure and supported. This is why I do a whole module on communication skills, boundaries and ethics as part of the YFCA Teacher Training Course. If you’d like more information about the course click here.