Grief is part of cancer, but not in the way you think
When we think about grief, especially in the context of cancer, it's natural to associate it primarily with death and bereavement. However, through my experience of working with people undergoing cancer treatment and recovery, I've observed that grief is a significant part of the process in ways that many people do not expect. It’s not just about the potential end of life, but about the many losses that come with a cancer diagnosis and treatment.
The Nature of Grief in Cancer
Grief, at its core, involves mourning something that has been lost. This loss isn't always tied to death. Major life events, even those deemed positive, often involve a form of grief. For instance, a new mother may rejoice in the arrival of her baby but also mourn the loss of her pre-motherhood self. Similarly, moving to a new home can be exciting, but it might also bring sadness over leaving behind cherished memories.
In the context of cancer, the losses can be numerous and multifaceted. Individuals might grieve the loss of parts of their body, autonomy, peace of mind, dignity, fertility, sexual function, appearance, strength, fitness, job, hobbies, financial security, and confidence. Each of these losses can profoundly affect their emotional and mental state.
There are of course unexpected positives that can come too such as clarity over what is really important in life, deep gratitude for life and one’s body, opportunity to do deep inner work, new friendships, perspective, feeling of being truly present and alive.
However, to fully experience the potential positives we have to give space and acknowledge the grief too. If the grief is not processed then it is hard to move on and have emotional healing.
The Role of Yoga Teachers
As yoga teachers, while we are not trained counselors, we play a crucial role in creating a space where students can acknowledge and process their grief. It’s important to understand that so-called ‘negative’ feelings don’t just disappear after treatment ends. Often, it’s during the post-treatment phase, when others may be celebrating the end of cancer, that grief surfaces most strongly. The physical, mental, and emotional impacts of cancer treatment can linger, and recovery can take much longer than anticipated.
Our role involves providing a supportive environment where students can come as they are, without the need to mask their true feelings. Many students have found that their yoga classes offer significant emotional relief, providing them a space to be present with their grief and begin the healing process.
Understanding the Stages of Grief
Grief is not a singular emotion but a complex process with various stages. Familiarizing ourselves with these stages can help us better support our students. Please note that these do not always come in this order and people may move in and out of each many times:
Shock and Denial: Initially, upon diagnosis or during early treatment, individuals might experience numbness or go through the motions without fully feeling their emotions. This response can be a healthy coping mechanism, but it's essential to avoid getting stuck in denial. After treatment ends, denial might manifest as a reluctance to acknowledge lingering emotional struggles.
Guilt: Individuals may feel guilt for their illness, questioning their actions or lifestyle choices. They might think, "I should have seen a doctor earlier," or "I'm letting my family down." It’s important to remind them that cancer can affect anyone, regardless of their lifestyle choices.
Anger: Anger is a common emotion during cancer recovery. People may feel it’s unfair that they are suffering or express frustration with their circumstances. This anger can be directed inward or outward and may lead to irritability or mood swings. Recognizing and addressing this anger can help in processing it constructively.
Bargaining: This stage involves attempts to make deals or set conditions to alleviate suffering. Individuals might think, "If I just stay positive or follow certain rituals, I’ll be okay." While healthy choices can support well-being, attaching excessive hope to these actions can hinder true acceptance and healing.
Depression: Depression may emerge as deep sadness, loss of joy, low energy, or a sense of hopelessness. It’s crucial to address these feelings with compassion and help individuals find small sources of comfort and joy. Challenging negative thoughts and focusing on positive aspects can aid in emotional recovery.
Acceptance: Acceptance doesn’t mean that cancer becomes insignificant, but rather that the person has reached a point where the intensity of their grief has lessened. They’ve come to terms with their emotions and are able to integrate their experience into their new reality.
Supporting Grieving Students
Recognizing that grief often hits hardest after treatment allows us to be proactive in our support. We can offer a space where students feel safe to explore and express their emotions. While we may need to refer them for specialized help when necessary, our classes can provide ongoing support and a sense of community.
By creating a compassionate environment, we help students navigate their grief and move towards a place of peace and acceptance. Offering holistic support through our yoga practice can significantly contribute to their emotional well-being.
Further Training and Support
If you're interested in deepening your understanding of how to support people with cancer or want more comprehensive training in yoga for cancer, consider exploring my Yoga Alliance-accredited courses. These include:
These programs offer valuable insights and practical tools to help you provide the best possible support to your students.
For more details and to sign up, visit the links provided. Supporting individuals through their cancer journey is a profound and impactful role, and with the right training, we can make a meaningful difference.